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cool_purple_cow
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Name: hannah
Birthday: 1/25/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: gimme some candies!!! >.<*
Expertise: ASL all the way! whOoo!
Occupation: Student
Industry: Education/Research
Message: message me
Member Since:
7/9/2004
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| Can Satan hear my thoughts?
it's been a long time since this question popped up again. i remember being afraid that Satan can hear my thoughts and thus, act more swiftly to hurt me. what bought this question up again was from a book i read a while ago; i was looking for a book to read and found this book sitting on my shelf. i randomly flipped to a page that was previously tabbed and read a paragraph. a sentence mentioned that "Satan can't hear your thoughts". that stopped me from reading further; i tried to find a verse that directly answers this question but there's no verse in the bible that outrightly says that he couldn't. however, after further research, i found that he can't because he isn't all-knowing and his power is too limited. this got me reflecting; throughout this year, i seriously felt like Satan had been reading my thoughts and even commenting on them. of course, it wasn't in a crazy, audible voice in my head or anything - but more of a discouraging nature. i've felt countless heavy, heart-burdening thoughts and emotions - yes, those were spiritual attacks from the evil one, but i've found that those painful thoughts have been implanted into my head, heart and attitude have been shaped and manipulated by Satan. like he was pushing me towards this direction by using people around me and situations; eventually, my heart and mind started to self-produce discouraging and self-destructing thoughts and emotions.
this made me wonder.... Satan can definitely predict my possible reactions, emotions and thoughts based on observing me my whole life - thus, being able to pinpoint my values, priorities, strengths, weaknesses, etc. with that said, Satan knows my personality all too well (more like his demons since Satan can't be everywhere). perhaps he learned how to best manipulate and change my personality for his evil purposes. for example, i've struggled with the dilemma of whether a hardened heart would be more worthwhile than a soft heart because a harder heart may protect me from hurts and pains better in the future. when my heart is soft, everything hurtful seems to be more deep and intense. sometimes i find myself better able to withhold certain emotions from surfacing in order to not cry or hurt over the situation (i could've cried alot more during anime if i give into my heart - probably twice as much; i was pretty good!). but despite these thoughts, something deep in my heart has always urged me to not allow myself to be hardened. something always prevented me from allowing it and made me want to be soft (the Holy Spirit probably). so i look at this as satan's attempt to change my personality since i'm a naturally.... how shall i say this.... emotional person? haha. ah fruit of gentleness.
anyways, there's a long, tough road back to what was. hopefully God will lend me His hand as i go back up. *must not give up* ^.^
"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." - Ephesians 6:12
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| Eat my little birdies eat!
this morning i had the intention of jogging around my neighbourhood since it wasn't as cold as previous mornings. before i lefted, i looked out the window and saw a dozen or so sparrow-like birds scavengering for food. naturally, i felt sorry for these little birds and decided that i will feed them.
so i took 2 slices of bread (the ones at the ends that no one ever eats) and went outside. i teared off tiny chunks of bread and scattered them over the yard. however, the little birds would always fly away as soon as they realized that i'm walking towards them. then i decided to jog a bit in hopes of find more brave little birds. 1 block away, i found 20-30 sparrow birds all huddled in 1 yard. i slowly walked towards them and scattered my breads all over. yes, i've been throwing bits of breads over my neighbours' yards. to my dismay, these birds always ALWAYS flew away.
so i gradually followed them around the neighbourhood while i toss breads here and there. i was hoping that they'll get used to me or at least see that i mean no harm. not too long later, these 2 horrible crows realized what i was doing and followed me as i followed the sparrows. these crows began eating my breads! i got a bit upset. i couldn't stop them from following me. i diverged to jog a bit and hoped that when i come back, the crows would be gone. but that didn't happen; in fact, there are now 4 crows. i kept thinking, "come on little birds, eat what i have for you" and "damn crows, these aren't for you!". the crows were bullies and kept the sparrows from getting the food.
i decided to walk home while scattering breads on the previous lawns that the little birds ate on. perhaps they'll come back. i tried to do this discreetly so that the crows won't know. as i walked home, i felt God using this as a metaphor for His people. we're the little birds and God's trying to give us these breads to eat. whether these breads were blessings, His words, wisdom, whatever - it's like Him trying to show us that He wants to help and these breads are what we need. but the birds (us) are unsure, scared, unaware, etc. and the crows are satan! trying to cover up the evidence and God's actions.
there's probably half a dozen good verses i could use to end this post off. but hannah's lazy.
i pray that these little birds will be able to come and find my scattered bread crumbs! it sounds silly but... my heart really aches for these hungry sparrows! i feel so sad for them. i wish i could do more. anyways, may those crows leave my birds alone! amen.
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| Celtic Women is coming to VANCOUVER!!!!!!!!
they have the MOST ANGELIC voices i've EVER hear AND i've been a HUGE fan for years!!!
www.celticwoman.com/
I was just telling my sis the other day that i NEED to go to one of their concerts before i die! i LOVE them! they're SO awesome! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
they haven't been to Vancouver for SO long!
AND today they released that they'll be coming to VANCOUVER! AHHH
PRAISE the LORD hallalujah! THIS is a sign. i MUST go.
they're on tour and they're only performing 1 concert in Vancouver.
GM Place, May 15th, 2010 @ 8pm.
tickets aren't on sale yet since i just checked.
OH MMYYYY. this is "insane in my membrane"!!! i'm SO excited! AHHHH! <3
i get SO many bone-deep chills listening to them! they're from ireland so they have a hint of irish style in their music. they sing songs like fields of gold, amazing grace, you raise me up, and other modern/classical types.
ahhhh
God help me. this is going to be the most awesome concert. this will be my high point of 2010!
WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| new moon
so i watched new moon tonight and STILL it is quite packed. interesting because it's a monday night and there was another new moon showtime 15 minutes before the one that i'm in. i wouldn't categorize myself as a 'crazed' twilight fan - maybe i'm a twlight fanatic - but i definitely wouldn't be waiting 4 days prior to the premier like some other fans. and i liked the series even more after i read all 4 of stephanie meyer's books. before that, i was a casual supporter.
as for this new movie, let's just say that you'd enjoy it alot more if you read the book. people who laughed at moments where it wasn't obviously funny understood the character behind his/her action that makes it funny. without understanding the thoughts and pasts of the character - new moon is just another average movie. regardless, the books will always be better than the movies. although.... bella's acting and role seems to be alot better in this one and jake is definitely has the "easy-on-the-eyes", cute boy next door vibe. :P haha.
anyways.
i think that it's not really the 'vampire' idea that sparked a whole new uproar of vampire-themed movies and tv series, but rather the idea that there's a supernatural, mysterious and good person out there for people. that there's this.... protective, strong, able, dangerous and suffering bad-boy that's completely in love with you! for example (here's a part from twilight), that moment when edward rescued bella when she was about to get into some trouble with these guys from los angelas. THIS is what gets the media started. finally, a twist on the same old romantic guy-saves-girl theme! and not only that, having these abilities seperates them from the normal people; thus, making them special and unique. people thrive to be special. it's completely emotional. this new vampire obsession is a new shape to what fill the emotional needs of people.
and of course, the story line is good. for stephanie meyer's books at least.
and if you don't like twlight... then... you have bad taste!
haha, just joking. not really.
but seriously... people don't know what they're talking about if they haven't even read the series.
breaking dawn is so EPIC. can't wait for that movie to come out. of course, nothing can ever compare to the book. the book is to original, awesome, genius inspired.
so... bottom line... READ THE BOOKS! :)
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| i've been mulling over church and people for a while... and although i have alot of thoughts here and there, a realization came to me today during sunday school.
i seem to be more prone to spiritual attack before church, before sunday school, before the 11am service starts. and it's often as i walk towards church, outside the sunday school room, and outside the santuary - in the foyer. sometimes the struggle lasts longer than others depending on the day. these unsettled thoughts and emotions seem to subside more during worship and laughter with people. at first i thought that maybe i'm just emotional at fraserlands... but perhaps it's more. perhaps everyone has specific times during the day and/or week where Satan can find a softer spot to hit. for example, mondays seem to be harder on the general public. lol. not only that, there are specific places that Satan attacks more fervently at if the individual is more vulnerable there. Satan probably drove alot of people away from the places that are best for them through tiresome attacks such as these. cause to be honest, i'm quite tired of fighting every sunday morning.
it's like a battlefield in the foyer.
i often find myself fighting against hard-hitting emotions and thoughts that i shouldn't have. today was tough. i really didn't want to be at church in general - i didn't want to sit in sunday school, i didn't want to go to the sermon, i didn't want to be physically in that building. despite the fact that truly, i love sunday school and it was interesting today, and sermons aren't that bad.... there's a horrid feeling of not wanting to return. who would come after me if i stopped going anyways? there are these swirling, strong feelings of bitterness, anger, hurt and brokenness towards the people there in general. i wondered whether it's because i haven't had any quality time with the people there and maybe that's why i don't feel belonged or loved there.... but it's come to the point where i don't want their time anymore. and yet i stupidly yearn for it. but i don't want to want it cause in a way, i lost much hope in the people and (potential) relationships there.... and yet there's this stubborn hope deep inside my heart that fights against these dream breaking thoughts. ah hope... what am i going to do with you?
i don't make sense. i'm crazy. crazy.
maybe it's not so much about hope, but more about TRUST. to be honest, i don't feel like i can really trust many people there.
i'm dooming myself. i was reminded of that quote, "We are architects of our own demise".
during those times before sunday school and service, the feeling of hopelessness seems to be more prevalent. it feels like there's this gaping hole of loneliness in my heart and it makes me dread staying there.
i feel like a doomed, lost cause that no one can bring back up. i feel like i'm such a screw-up and foolish girl. "why do i keep coming here", "what am i doing here", "these people aren't initiative or sensitive", "am i meant to be somewhere else", "sigh. stupid hannah. why do i still care so"? sometimes i just want to sit and cry. for a long time now, i feel like the sermons have been lectures towards me and my bad attitude and behavior in everything. i feel like the messsages (and sometimes sunday school messages) are more of a rebuking and lecturing nature rather than encouraging and refining nature. like i'm being told of what i shouldn't be doing right now and what i should be doing. it seems as though church is becoming this big list of rules that i need to do in order to put my life back in order and a mirror of things that i shouldn't be doing right now. as if i need anymore reminders of my weak faith. ah boo. this is probably all mental.
well, from all that, i should probably pray lots before driving to church, before sunday school, and before the service. maybe i just need to be with someone to help distract myself during these self-deprivating struggles. hmm. are these considered 'confessions'? hmm, i don't know - if it does, then it aligns with pastor larry's sermon today! so that's my confession. it's more of a realization.... meh, it's both. mmhmm.
Satan is cleverly attacking on sunday mornings and i need to better prepare myself. darn him and my sinful nature. hate it. hate this ugly cycle that i've been sucked into. i'm crazy. my heart is crazy and tired.
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